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Welcome to funny food quotes

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“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”

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“Nutrition labels should include an “what if I ate the whole thing section.”

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“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips”

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“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”

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“Our toaster has two settings, too soon or too late”

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How do I like my eggs? How about in a cake perhaps?

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“The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur”

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“Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing.”

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“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous”

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“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing”

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“I’m so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.”

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“If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?”

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“I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.”

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“I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.”

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“Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!”

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“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”

 

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“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”

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“Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.”

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“One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.”

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“All you have to know about celery is that it’s made up of 95% water, and it’s 100% not pizza.”

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“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”

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“There’s something missing in my life, I just don’t know if it’s a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.”

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“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”

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“Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear ‘cheese’ so I start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.”

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“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”

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“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”

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“Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.”

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“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”

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“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”

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“When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.”

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“There’s nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.”

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“Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.”

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“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”

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“I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.”

 

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“Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!”

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“All you have to know about celery is that it’s made up of 95% water, and it’s 100% not pizza.”

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“A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.”

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“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”

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“You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.”

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“The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.”

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“Fortune cookie: You’ll have a better fortune in the next cookie.”

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“Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!”

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“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”

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“If you don’t cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.”

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“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”

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“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”

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“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”

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“I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.”

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“Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.”

 

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“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.”

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“I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”

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“Indigestion happens when you love food that hates you.”

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“Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.”

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“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.”

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“I am on a 20 day diet, so far I’ve lost 10 days.”

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“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”

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“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”

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“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”

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“When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.”

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“I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.”

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“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”

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“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.”

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“Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that’s what happened to all your chocolate.”

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“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.”

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“Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.”

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“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”

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“In the morning I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the evening I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the night I can’t sleep.. I’m so hungry!”

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“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”

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“When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you’re holding is a half eaten sandwich.”